A Scene from and Ibiza Trance Party 2008

EXT. Ibiza Trance Music Festival-Day Trance is still huge in Spain, because Spain is in Europe, and Europeans love terrible music, like my gay ass neighbors. It's blistering hot outside, the girls are rolling on ecstasy. MIKO on the left is from Tokyo, JEN in the middle is from San Diego, and HILDA on the right is from Berlin. They have met a few hours ago, and since they are on drugs, they think they are all BFF's.

Jen: Miko, I love your eyes, they are so slanted and so exotic. You are so beautiful and precious. You have to give me your email address, I will come and visit you in China.

Miko: Arigato.

Jen: I am really hot and dehydrated from all the dancing, living, loving the breeze, and raving.

Hilda: Ja, Ich bin thirsty. Vhere is das bier und bratwurst?

Miko: Beer is no good when you thirsty. Green tea is good for you hydration and mind.

Jen: Miko, I don't think they have green tea here.

Miko: Oh, no! Godzilla!

Jen: Wait a minute, over there! I see a man selling ice penis pops.

Hilda: Wunderbar!

Miko: Oh, yes! Godzilla!

Jen: Excuse me? We would like to get some ice penis pops? How much are they?

(beat)

5 Euros for one? That's insane. Fine, we will take two please.

Hilda: Wunderbar. Danke.

Miko: Arigato!

Jen: Wouldn't it be super hot if we suck on these penis pops together at the same time?

Miko: Hi!

Hilda: Ja....

Jen: These penis ice pops look like Mickey Mouse's erect cock.

Miko: You American girl so crazy! You like Paris Hilton.

The three girls suck on the penis pops as they thrust their pelvic bones to the trashy sounds of Paul Oakenfold. A group of European men wearing cut off jean shorts and Prada man purses gather and take pictures of these girls licking and sucking.

End Scene.

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Easy Does It, Fellas.

The Japanese people are a creative bunch. I went to MOCA in downtown LA to checkout the Murakami exhibit; that shit was wild. It was really creative. The Japanese are also very good at inventing anything within the realm of technology and anime. They created Super Mario Brothers and the system that plays it. Awesome!!!! Japan is the second leader in the world economy (at around US$4.5 trillion in terms of nominal GDP), behind us (USA the best place ever). They make great reliable cars and make raw things taste delicious. They also invented love hotels - hotels where you just go to have sex. They charge by hour, or if you are like me you can make a reservation for 6 1/2 minutes of heaven.

The Japanese film industry is also a leader of cinema. Akira Kurosawa has shown the world what can be achieved by intertextualizing classical stories such as Hamlet into new settings and aesthetics. Yasujiro Ozu has also showed us the possibilities of cinematic drama by never moving the camera but prioritizing the frame with emotion and dialogue.

But the Japanese do have one thing they cannot master, hair cuts. The picture above is a page from the latest hair style magazine in Japan. Those are the hot looks right now. If those are hot, I can't even imagine what's not hot. They all look like my aunts. I believe the page was titled, "I want to look as soft as possible, like a sweet plum." As I have stated in my last blog, the way one presents himself matters in this world.

I mean, I bet the guy on the bottom right is a chief executive designer at Sony. How the fuck is he going to get respect at the table when he is discussing the consumer demographic for Play Station 4 with the foreign investors? All the gringos will laugh at him behind his back, even though they will invest 300 billion dollars into the development because PS4 will rock your world. But no one will want to go out with him for drinks, because they don't want people to think they have an Asian tranny fetish. By the way, no girl likes a guy who looks like a girl himself unless you made an album called Purple Rain.

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Mini Me Needs to Hire a New Stylist.

I consider myself a fashionable man. That doesn't mean that I read Vogue or go to the Beverly Center wearing a man bag. I am more sophisticated than that. I am a man who believes that one must be somewhat responsible about how the world perceives him. We all know the saying that one should not judge a book by its cover. But if you see my 30-year-old neighbors who rock cut-off Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirts and camo shorts motherfucking 365 days out of the year, you can judge them. It's totally fine. For fucks sake they are over 30.

What I am trying to say is that if they wore clothes that were more suitable for their age than high school jock apparel, maybe I wouldn't think they were so lame. Clothes we wear matter, the way we present ourselves matters in society. It is part of being an adult. For example, I have been looking for a few months now to buy a suit. A single breasted, dark navy suit. A dark navy suit without a doubt projects authority in a subtle manner, while a single breasted cut carries a simple clean shape.

The picture above is a good example of what happens when a man buys a wrong suit for his shape. First, a man should never wear a black shirt unless he's going to a funeral or work at a fusion sushi restaurant at The Grove like I once did. The whole fucking thing smells like soy sauce and shitty tippers. Second, a double breasted suit is never a good choice for Mini Me's shape. Double breasted cuts are best for very tall or built men, since it flatters height and build. It is never really good for short men, because it makes them look stocky and bulky, which will make them look shorter. I know Mini Me is short, but look how short Mr. Me looks in this picture. Or, maybe it's because he's dating a tall blond playboy bunny. I don't know. I wonder how they make love.

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